I don’t know why I said yes to seeing How To Train Your Dragon 2 as a whole family – me, DH, and DD. I knew she wasn’t going to be able to sit still through this one since it wasn’t Frozen.
So there we are, upper right isle seats. DH is holding her seat down because at 33 lbs she’d be folded in half if he didn’t. The movie starts. Lots of ooooohs and aaaaaahs from the crowd. She kicks the seat in front of her. Poop. Apologize profusely to the gentleman who says no problem and smiles. A few minutes later: DAAAAADDDDY that’s MY POPORN!!! No, that’s not a typo. Calm her down. Five minutes later, she stage whispers, Mommmmmmmyyyy, I need to go peeeeeeepeeeeeee! OMG. Ok, up to the family bathroom because I thought that would be quicker. Nope.
What’s going on in the movie? No clue as I’m too busy getting her to sit, not stand, in her seat.
Few minutes later, the stage whisperer announces she has to go make big poop. Ok. Breathe. We get to the bathroom, not only does she not have to poop but she doesn’t even pretend to have to pee. Instead she wants to wash her hands. Fine.
May as well wait for DVD at this point because two minutes later she decides she actually does have to pee. Whyyyyyyy? Can I just whine?
We get to the bathroom. She de-pants herself, loads herself onto the toilet and dribbles. She. Does. Not. Want. To. Wash. Her. Hands. Whatever.
Refusing to hold my hand, she bunny hops to her seat. What movie are we watching again?
Eight maybe ten minutes pass. She’s fidgety. Upset. I look down at her snuggling forcefully into her pink blanket she’s had since birth and feel an overwhelming urge to squish her in a hug. She looks up at me all doe eyed and says, “I’m tired.” Totally a lie, but we all end up calling it quits by that point and trek across the sweltering parking lot to the car and drive home in defeated silence.
Oh, and DH and I both knew she was just bored. She went on to burst into song once we got in the door and demanded he also sing. Fun times.